What defines a man? Is it his accomplishments? His level of education? How about his possessions? Well, I would like to argue that it's his interpersonal relationships. There are many accomplished individuals with no social ties or skills. There are many intellectuals who live in solitude. There are many wealthy people who are isolated.
Science tells us that the more positive, emotional connections a person has, the healthier they are, the longer they live, and they can be more productive. In my opinion, that gives these relationships the same value as any credentials, possessions and accolades.
How do we achieve, accomplish, and attain things? By putting in time and hard work. If we were to put that same energy into our interpersonal relationships, family life, social connections, community involvement...the sky would be the limit. It is here that the conflict often begins. In churches, masjids, and other places of worship...we often see more involvement by women. In the African American, social media often talks about the accomplishments of the Black Woman, and how they are surpassing Black men in academia and the corporate world. When we look at popular culture in the African American community, emphasis is placed on making money and viewing women as objects of pleasure.
African American men are being given a set of criteria to define their masculinity, and it directly contradicts their conditions. Those men who have sought to steer away from these mainstream social constructs get little or no recognition. Those who are advocates for emotional intelligence often take a backseat to the hype. However, when we look to those African American men who have accomplished great things, they seem to be balanced intellectually and emotionally. They have found a way to sustain family life while pursuing their goals. We don't see them covered in tattoos and wearing their pants mid-thigh.
Nonetheless, in many cases, they are not the bar for which we set our standards of masculinity. The uber-aggressive, emotionally stunted, pillars of manhood that we have in abundance have led to a crisis in our community. Women are saying that there are no good men. Wives are saying that they don't feel connected to their husbands on an emotional level. Mothers are watching their sons fall victim to their inability to express themselves on an emotional level. The predominant emotion conveyed is anger, and this must change. Not only must we move in a different direction, we must all take responsibility for creating an environment that will facilitate this change.
There is a movement to redefine the social constructs of masculinity in our community. It is necessary to be involved in the lives of our children, to show them what healthy male-female interactions look like, to show them good etiquette--to be ladies and gentlemen, to value themselves as beings of creativity and light.
I'm excited and encouraged by the increasing number of African American men who are stepping up and taking a stance as positive, productive male role models and leaders. And I'm proud to be one of the women who are supporting them. I'll be posting about different individuals and events that are going on related to these issues. I'd also like to close by saying that, while I focused on the African American community in this piece, I know that these issues are widespread and go beyond the bounds of culture and race. Stay tuned!
