You Get What You Give

So many of us are so quick to post about what we want, but so little about what we're doing to get it. Many want what others have, but know little of the blood, sweat and tears sacrificed for it. Believe me, nothing comes without sacrifice. This is where the key to success lies. You don't hear these people complain. You see them posting about journey, experiences, challenges, areas for improvements, and outcomes. Essentially, they talk about what they're doing, not what they want. Passion is more likely to drive them than wanting a new car. Vision boards become to-do lists. Failures, indication of the need to do things differently. Successes, motivation to do new things. So, what are you giving to your dreams and goals?

Allah knows best. We all say it, yet act as if we really think otherwise.

Allahu alim. It rolls so easily off the tongue. Why, then, are we always speculating about the how's and why's of things? Specifically, about salvation and relationships. As the world's fastest growing religion, Islam reaches people in a variety of ways. Many times, it is through a romantic relationship....or, the pursuit of one. As a woman, I can only speak from my experience as such. As the numbers of single, and divorced, grows, the options are dwindling. Many men will approach us in respectable ways. I have no issue telling a man, in layman's terms, that there are layers to it. My faith is not negotiable, and anything you find favorable in me is rooted in it. I have several Muslim-born friends and acquaintances who have married reverts. In some cases, the guy converted because he knew she wouldn't marry him otherwise. I'm disturbed by how people respond to these situations. "S/He only did it to get her/him." "We'll see how long s/he stays Muslim." So what? If we believe that, as Islam teaches, only Allah makes Muslims....SO WHAT??? There are lots of Muslim-born folks who may not die as such. Who are we to question the means by which someone may be guided to Allah? Maybe retention issues would be minimized if people showed others Love instead of speculation. So, I'm going to ask Allah to continue to guide us, by whatever means He deems fit. Ameen.

The Nutrition-Cognition Connection

There are several health conditions that can manifest as school issues for kids. At times, concentration and cognitive difficulties have reasons we often overlook. I'm going to briefly touch on three. This information is just that, information. It is not intended for medical or diagnostic use. It is my hope that parents will be more mindful inputs with their kids via diet and such, and reflective when they have challenges with outputs. In this day of increasing academic and behavioral challenges for kids, the connection between nutrition and cognition/behavior is almost always overlooked. The first is reactive hypoglycemia. Symptoms of the reactive type typically occur within the first few hours of eating. In some people, the reaction occurs almost immediately after ingesting something. When that happens, it's usually due to a sugar spike instead of true low blood sugar. I've included the symptoms that could become problematic for kids in the school setting. The following list can be used as an informative guideline but a conclusive diagnosis can only be made by a physician. * Difficulty sleeping - this includes difficulty getting to sleep as well as remaining asleep. * Heart palpitations (fluttering) or fibrillation (irregular pulse) * Extreme fatigue that has no other known cause * Headache - ranging from mild to severe * Sweating without any physical exertion or hot, humid weather conditions * Depression, mood swings and feelings of isolation * Light-headedness or difficulty maintaining balance * Agitation, excitement, feeling anxious * Cognitive difficulties - forgetfulness, lack of rational processes and/or the inability to perform simple mental tasks * Panic attacks with no perceptible cause * Confusion, Disorientation Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7619176 The second is vitamin deficiencies. Here are some notable ones. Vitamin B1 (Thiamine) Thiamine deficiency is very common in psychiatric patients. It is associated with anxiety, depression, fearfulness, agitation, emotional instability, irritability, and night terrors. It is most common in alcoholics and patients that are malnourished. Agoraphobic patients and patients with anxiety disorders are often thiamine deficient. Vitamin B2 (Riboflavin) Riboflavin deficiencies can affect mood, behavior, sleep, memory, and concentration. Patients commonly are aggressive, depressed, anxious, and suffer from panic attacks and migraines. Reduced levels of riboflavin inhibit the body’s use of a lot of medications and oxidative stress is often a problem. Vitamin B3 (Niacin) Niacin deficiencies are noted in many cases of schizophrenia, chronic fatigue, insomnia and chronic headache. Memory problems are also common in patients with this deficiency. Vitamin B5 (Pantothenic Acid) Vitamin B5 deficiency is rare. Sufferers may experience excessively hot feet, recurring upper respiratory infections, fatigue, insomnia, depression, irritability, vomiting, or stomach pains. Vitamin B5 is sometimes referred to as the “anti-stress” vitamin because of its regulatory effect on stress hormones. Vitamin B6 Vitamin B6 deficiency can cause irritability, severe PMS, fatigue, depression, anxiety and confusion. Many people have electric shock sensations, paresthesias (tingling, burning, pricking, or numbness), and extreme anxiety. About half of agoraphobic patients are usually B6 deficient. Vitamin B7 (Biotin) Deficiencies in biotin are most common in those taking anti-seizure medications, long-term antibiotics, or people with trouble absorbing nutrients. Symptoms include numbness, tingling, strange pain sensations (usually in extremities), weakness, fatigue, lethargy, and hallucinations. Vitamin B9 (Folate) Folate helps to regulate your pain response, mood, and sleep patterns. If it’s low, you may experience hostility, chronic headaches, paranoid behavior, panic, forgetfulness, irritability, and apathy. Folate deficiency is usually accompanied by low serotonin levels and depression. In contrast, high levels have been shown to sometimes induce mania in some patients with bipolar disorder, and can interfere with some mood stabilizing medications. Vitamin B12 B12 deficiency usually starts with depression, and can be followed by psychosis, slow mental processes, mania, confusion, forgetfulness, and memory loss. Lower B12 levels are not always present in depressed patients, but are almost always present in depressed patients with psychosis. Magnesium Magnesium deficiency is often accompanied by low serotonin and dopamine levels. Symptoms of a deficiency can be apathy, irritability, anxiety, personality changes, and behavioral changes. Low magnesium levels are associated with an imbalance of lactate to pyruvate in the body, which is indicative of many psychiatric conditions, like schizophrenia. Studies show that most patients with chronic pain have low magnesium levels, and show that the most disturbed patients have either high or low magnesium levels. Vitamin C (Sodium Ascorbate) The first symptom of vitamin C deficiency is usually depression. Other symptoms may be fatigue, reduced arousal, apathy, and reduced motivation. Because vitamin C, or sodium ascorbate, is necessary to produce serotonin, people deficient in it may experience severe depression and extreme anxiety. Vitamin C calms the nervous system and helps to regulate the stress response of the body. About the Author: Phil Le Breton is owner at Wholesale Nutrition. He has a strong interest in helping people achieve greater brain and body health with vitamins and supplements, with an emphasis on vitamin C powder. Wholesale Nutrition has provided the world with the best vitamin C and wholesale vitamins since 1970. Visit http://www.nutri.com to buy high-quality discount vitamins today! Sources: http://www.nutritional-healing.com.au/content/articles-content.php? heading=The%20Role%20of%20Minerals%20and%20Vitamins%20in%20Mental%20Health http://www.angelfire.com/home/bphoenix1/vitmin.html http://nutri.com/blog/2012/01/vitamin-deficiencies-that-cause-psychiatric-symptoms/ The third, and last, is lead poisoning. The CDC says about 310,000 American kids (1 to 5 years old) have blood-lead levels over 10 micrograms/dL. A U.S. child's main risk of lead poisoning comes from the lead-based house paints in near-universal use before 1950. The paints were banned for housing use in 1978. An estimated 24 million U.S. housing units -- which some 4 million young children call home -- have deteriorated lead paint contributing to lead-contaminated house dust. "Very small particles of paint get into household dust you cannot see," Rosen says. "That gets on hair, fingers, toys, and skin. Through normal hand-mouth activity, that paint is absorbed." How long it takes a child to absorb toxic levels of lead depends on the concentration of lead in the dust. Rosen says that in a typical lead-contaminated housing unit, it takes one to six months for a small child's blood-lead levels to rise to a level of concern. "If the amount of hand-to-mouth activity is robust, and the concentrations of lead in that housing unit are substantial, it does not take long," he warns. Continue reading below... What about the recently discovered lead paint on children's toys? "In terms of pervasiveness and widespread distribution of those toys, only time will tell how many children will be identified who develop lead poisoning. At the present time that is unknown, although the risk is definite," Rosen says. As you sort through your child's toy box, are you thinking of asking your pediatrician for a lead poisoning test ? Some folks on our Parenting: 9-12 Months message board are doing just that. Read their comments and share yours. What Are the Risks of Lead Poisoning? Rosen says the ultimate effects of lead on children include: Loss of IQ points Impairments in language fluency or communication Memory problems Trouble paying attention Lack of concentration Poor fine-motor skills Difficulty with planning and organization Difficulty forming abstract concepts Poor cognitive flexibility (trying something else if the first thing you try doesn't solve a problem) "To fully test children to see if there are any adverse outcomes from lead poisoning cannot be done until they reach their sixth birthday," Rosen says. "Many of these symptoms don't manifest until age 6 or 7 years. What a parent might know before that might well be some common complaints such as speech delay, hyperactivity, not being able to sit/listen/learn in school, and not being able to focus. Those observations may be the result of earlier childhood lead poisoning." Is Your Child at Risk of Lead Poisoning? Except in those rare cases in which a child ingests a huge amount of lead, lead poisoning has no obvious, immediate symptoms. "Over time, you may notice tiredness, nonspecific belly complaints, or a child may become anemic," Benitez says. "Unless you are eating blocks of lead, there are no acute or sudden symptoms that would appear in minutes. That is the problem with lead -- the subtle, slow dose over time." http://www.webmd.com/children/news/20070815/lead-poisoning-and-kids?page=2 This is just an brief mention of these particular conditions, but there are many more. I hope that parents are motivated to look further into these issues. I'll be touching on foods that may be beneficial in a later post. Love and Light!

Authenticity

Authentic. adjective. Conforming to fact and therefore worthy of trust, reliance, or belief. In these days of "keeping it 100," "being a bad bish," and "keepin' it real," we have lost ourselves. I mean, we fake it. We're all faking it about something. And that is ok. Imagine if we stopped laughing or smiling. Picture a world where you don't have kids looking to you for guidance through tough times, never being able to push past the heartbreaking anguish of missing your dead parent, or the lost of your ability to hide all the ish you know you don't want anyone to know. For me, authentic is about being vulnerable, not feigning invincibility or perfection. It's about being grown, even when I want to engage in all the childish bs swirling overhead. It's about crying sometimes, even when I want to keep smiling. We all use social media for our own purposes. I didn't feel compelled to make mine an Islamic page. It is inherently so. I am a Muslim. I pray that I never say anything that comes across as arrogant, as I am nothing more than a Lover and servant. I am a person. With all the shortcomings and flaws that our frail humanity encompasses. I have not always been this way. There was a time when I tried to be utterly and completely perfect. I got so caught up in the pursuit of perfection that I sacrificed my authenticity. I robbed myself of evolution and elevation in my refusal to show vulnerability. Pain is often the nemesis of authenticity, but always standing in the way of it. So, I won't always smile. I won't always be in the best frame of mind. Or using the best perspective. I am authentically, unapologetically, undeniably imperfect. In those moments, I pray that someone will be praying for me instead of preying on me.

The Realization

You can't go back to What has never left you Accompanied you during All that you've been through Now has become What you once called later Now is the moment You yearn for the fayda Life has forced you to finally take a Moment to reflect, Remember your Maker So this can't really be called A new beginning It's more fitting to say A new ending.

My Life Is Not My Own

My Suns are my happiness in this life. I truly feel that they have been a Mercy and a protection from my Lord. Some have asked, how? The simple answer....My life is not my own. I remember the first time I looked into my husband's eyes, my own filled with confusion. I wasn't sure what I had done, but I knew I'd done something wrong. Over time, I learned to do nothing...don't speak, don't ask, don't complain. That's how fights started. How car keys were taken, phones confiscated. Peace was shrouded in silence. Where there was silence, there was peace. I needed the house, the kids, the thoughts racing through my mind to be QUIET. I didn't know that sadness often hid in silence as well. As my spirit was silenced, my heart saddened. My Suns were my greatest Loves, but I couldn't enjoy them because they were also my greatest worries. Did they hear us? Did they know how unhappy I was? Did they think it was my fault? Would they ever forgive me for breaking up our home? I had tried so hard to shield and protect them from the truth that they'd essentially lived a lie. Until the truth came crashing in. The truth was raised voices, condemning words. The truth was me crying on the floor of our tiny living room in that basement apartment. Mattresses on floors, blankets made makeshift dining areas. The truth was friends buying groceries, family driving us around. My life was making sure that little bellies were full, little bodies were well dressed and rested. In having to do it on my own, my life was not my own. Credit card bills mounted, my anxiety peaked. While I was falling apart inside, things were coming together. We moved into a bigger place, I got a car, I was no longer living on credit or depending on friends for necessities. I put as much of our old life back in place as I was able to. Basketball at the Y, purchased a trumpet for those band classes, art-based playgroups...I was making it happen. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I had gotten so caught up in providing for them that I wasn't caring for them like I once had. I knew they needed men around. So, I surrounded them with friends who I felt would be good influences, oblivious to the fact that many had agendas of their own. The most awkward existence is one of being physically present but emotionally unavailable. Healing had been placed on hold. I had to be ready at a moment's notice to fill in the gaps that inevitably occur when co-parenting doesn't happen. Role models became a revolving roster of creative, pseudo-platonic Baba's, Uncle's and Amu's. It was ok though, I had our faith as the foundation. Until I made a really bad decision in a moment of feigned enlightenment. I got "married" again. I did not Love him, nor did he Love me. But we were doing it "for the pleasure of Allah, so it couldn't go wrong." Right? Wrong! I knew better. My parents had taught me that you can't start off wrong and expect things to turn out right. I didn't repeat my previous relationship. I found a whole new way to be in a bad relationship. I created an entirely new set of worries. In trying to provide them with a live-in male role model, I only showcased a new list of "do-nots." I regrouped by doing more. I did all the "stuff" I was supposed to. Counseling, community service, extracurricular activities, exposure to arts and culture...you name it, I did it. Healing, however, was still on hold. Healing came in the midst of the next storm. My Daddy died, we feared my Mom was dying...and I had to keep going. There was no shoulder for me to lean on. I was the shoulder. I looked at my life, and my heart broke. Would my suns miss me the way I missed my father? Care for me the way I cared for my mother? At that time, I would've said yes without hesitation. Today, I'm not so certain. Holding it all together can be perceived in many ways. Especially by children. I didn't yell, cry, scream, or break outwardly. I didn't dignify the lies and slander with a response. Indifference was like warm cocoa on a winter day as a coping mechanism. It filled in the spaces where healing was needed most. It's hard to know the difference after a while...unless something hurts you. For me, it was the day my sun looked me in the eye and said, "I hate you. You don't care about anything." I wanted to scream, cry and yell in that moment. I wanted to show him credit card bills and bank statements. I wanted to throw my hand mended pieces of resale clothing at his feet. I wanted to express how absolutely exhausted I was. I wanted to hurt, but I understood how he felt that way. I never acted like I cared. I began to pray for healing, and it came. It remained elusive for so long that I almost didn't recognize it. The busy-ness never helped...I am one of the busiest people I know. It definitely didn't lie within the lines of the lovelorn poetry I was known for. It came in falling apart. Realizing that I could not control everything, and wasn't meant to. Accepting that I was doing more than I was designed for. Understanding that my deepest strength was rooted in my ability to be vulnerable. To know that my life was not my own, nor was it my Suns'....it was a gift, an opportunity to fulfill my purpose, to evolve, to Love.

The Formula

We all talk about the Love we want. Not so much about the Love we have to give. We ask God to send us things. Rarely, to prepare us to receive and appreciate them. I've learned that wanting is the nemesis of happiness, and I strive to be grateful more than anything else. I've "lost" a lot, and found parts of myself that would've gone unnoticed otherwise. Meeting people where they are means knowing where I am as well...some of our paths will not intersect, or even meant to. I say all that to say....Give more, want less, expect nothing. Peace